Happy Thursday my loves, and thank you so much for joining me today. I would like to start today with an email.
Hi. I’m a 55+ year old woman and new to the craft. I haven’t dated in over 13 yrs. I tried after my last relationship ended (he passed) but it was a terrible experience between grieving, the trolls and scammers I just said f*ck it. With Valentine’s Day around the corner I was wondering if there was some type of spell for attraction that I can use to help me while I attempt the dating scene again. Any thoughts??? Thank you for your time.
I think this kind of a situation calls for a bit of a two-pronged approach. We want to work an attraction/love spell to find a good romantic match, but we also want to add elements of a road-opening spell to sort of get rid of all the dating debris and clear the path between yourself and someone who is a good fit, who’s looking for the same things that you are. I think a candle spell or a ritual bath will be good options for this kind of work, but of course you can adapt these suggestions to suit your preferred method of magick.
Road opening oil can be used in combination with a lot of other oils and with a lot of different spell work. The purpose of this oil is to help to remove any obstacles or blockages to our desired outcome, as well as to help to create opportunities for us to get the result that we want. So this oil can really be made any time, although we might consider the waning moon to assist us in removing any blockages.
So you’ll want to start with about 2 oz of carrier oil (olive oil is great, or you can use mineral oil or vitamin E oil if you plan to use it to anoint yourself or to add some of the finished oil to a ritual bath). Put your oil in a small saucepan and warm it over low heat with any combination of the following: sunflowers (either the petals or the unsalted seeds will be good here) for their optimism and ability to enable desires to come to pass, sandalwood for wish fulfillment, sage to create opportunity, bay laurel for its ability to make things happen, and finally rosemary and myrrh to give the whole mixture extra power.
Steep your mixture for 20-30 minutes over that low heat and then allow it to cool completely, then strain out the solid material and use your oil however you choose.
Now as a single witch looking to find a companion of some kind, there are a lot of elements for attraction spells, such as dragon’s blood, both the oil and the incense work very well, also chamomile, jasmine, strawberry, mandrake, and vanilla, amber, moonstone, and topaz. Any of those elements, or a combination, will work beautifully for candle spells, particularly red or green candles. They will also work nicely in a ritual bath. You can word your spell however you like, of course, but be specific about the qualities that you’re looking for in a partner, and be specific about what kind of partnership you’re trying to manifest as well.
If you’re just interested in a dating situation, nothing necessarily long-term, something kind of casual, then say so in your spell. If you are looking for something more serious, then you will want to say that too. As I’ve said here before, there are 8 billion people on this planet; whatever it is you’re looking for, that person is out there. But you’ll have to call for them, so the more specifically you word your petition, the more likely you are to get someone who is a good fit for you.
When you are figuring out the wording in your spell, consider that you may want to describe this person first of all, as if they are already here. So you’re going to say things like, he (or she) is so thoughtful, he’s really considerate, he’s kind, we have a lot in common, he is such a great listener, etc. You’re talking about this person in the present tense as if you already have this person in your life.
And again, once you’ve got your shopping list of qualities in a partner, you’re going to want to use materials in your spell that correspond with those qualities. So your partner is kind, maybe some allspice and jade, your partner is optimistic, perhaps juniper and citrine, they are successful, how about lemon balm and carnelian. Maybe your partner is passionate, so you’ll use coriander and opal. And if your partner is generous, try honeysuckle and cat’s eye.
Please bear in mind that if you do decide to perform a ritual bath for this work, you want to make sure that you don’t add anything to the bathwater that will irritate your skin or clog your drains. That would be very bad news. So thank you so much for that question, and I wish you a fantastic and spicy Valentine’s day.
And if you’d like to send a message, you can do so online at middleagedwitch.com or you can email me at eli@middleagedwitch.com. And I wanted to mention, I have had a few instances where someone has messaged me on social media and for one reason or another I’ve missed it. I don’t, I mean I hope it hasn’t happened often, but it has been known to happen, and in fact it happened just yesterday, someone emailed me to let me know they had tried to reach me on social media but I just never got it.
So the most surefire way to make sure that your message gets to me is through email. So if you have written to me, and it’s been a minute and I haven’t responded, please email me. It’s just a lot easier to keep track of who I’ve replied to and who I still need to reply to, and it’s just a lot more reliable.
So today I thought we would talk about Sex Magick, both in the spirit of Valentine’s Day and also just because it’s been on my list of topics for a hot minute. I’ve had it on the roster but I’ve just been bumping it back because it just never felt like the right time. I don’t know, Sex Magick just isn’t like a September kind of topic, ya know? But today’s the day, so if this isn’t a subject you’re comfortable with, now is the time to turn me off. We aren’t going to get terribly graphic, but we are going to talk about some things that may not be for you. So please consider yourself forewarned.
There are references to sex magick going all the way back as far as we have written records. Sex and religion used to go together like peanut butter and jelly. The ancients understood sexual climax to be as close to paradise and divinity as it was possible to be. Pagan rituals and celebrations often culminated in wild orgies and hell, sometimes the sex was the entire point of the celebration. Fertility festivals and rites are known to have been important in ancient Greece, India, Phoenicia, Mesoamerica, Egypt, and so on.
Sex was regarded as part of life, and using sex as a sacrament was commonplace in so many ancient cultures. Hinduism in particular gives us some of the earliest known written accounts of sex magick. Contrast this with the attitudes of Abrahamic religions towards the function of sex as exclusively for procreation, and we begin to see the end of recognizing sex as a tool for achieving enlightenment, transcendence, or for manifesting.
Sex became strictly a function of biology, and only under certain accepted circumstances, and it was not only divorced from divinity, but became almost anathema. When we think about vows of celibacy, and the stigma that’s been placed on masturbation and premarital sex, and even postmarital sex, being treated like a duty and nothing more. Don’t even get me started on the weird emphasis that certain religious traditions place on the concept of a woman’s virginity. I can’t think of a single man whose dick is powerful enough to affect a woman’s intrinsic value and that’s a hill I will die on.
But back to my point, when we think about how differently sex is discussed in the Vedas versus how it’s treated in like, the old testament, we can see an almost deliberate attempt to completely distort what the ancients knew sex to be, which is a portal to the divine and a way to focus and direct those energies to a specific end. I won’t get too deep into the weeds of why I think that happened, why we started thinking of sex as something that was sinful and base, and animalistic instead of something that we could use to elevate ourselves. It’s immaterial for the purpose of our discussion.
But it doesn’t matter, because in relatively modern times, we saw a lot of Western occultists and sexual reformers working hard to bring sex magick back to the forefront. PB Randolph was an American occultist in the mid 1800s, and a pioneer of what he called erotic alchemy. His work and his writings influenced a lot of others, including Carl Kellner, founder of the OTO, or the Ordo Templi Orientis which in turn influenced one Aleister Crowley, founder of Thelema. Maria de Naglowska expounded on Randolph’s teachings, and also transcribed a number of his oral teachings which helped to expand his influence even further, and she also founded her own occult order, the Brotherhood of the Golden Arrow, which sought to reveal the spiritual transformative power of sex.
And this is so not an exhaustive list, but at the center of all this mess of information is the idea that we can use our own energies, our own orgasms to be very blunt, as a tool for directing our will. I know we talk week in and week out about focusing our energies when we cast. We talk about how important it is to direct our intentions into the spellwork that we perform. And I get questions all the time from people who struggle with that, and it is a struggle, it surely can be, to raise energy, to draw that energy into yourself and then to release it into the spellwork that we’re doing.
And I am here to tell ya, sex magick is probably the easiest way to do it. If you can have an orgasm, you can perform sex magick. Because it doesn’t always require a partner. You can activate a sigil all by yourself, with just the power of your own climax. You can charge crystals, witch bottles, amulets, spell bags, candles, protective wards, literally anything, with your very own orgasmic power. If that ain’t the easiest thing you’ve ever heard of, I don’t know what is.
So what am I talking about when I say use your orgasms to charge your intent? Well, what I’m really saying is that as part of your ritual, when and where appropriate, you can focus on your outcome while bringing yourself to completion as a means of charging the spell with your intent. Obviously, this isn’t a one-size-fits-all way of performing your work. If I’m working a spell to help my great aunt heal from her hip replacement, I’m going to really struggle to focus on that using sex magick.
But, when you can, and when it’s appropriate, you ought to just try it. I’m telling you, it works. And it makes sense, right? We talk in witchcraft all the time about raising energy, about focusing on the end goal, activating all the nerve endings in our bodies, feeling it build from the tips of our toes to the ends of our fingers, and then releasing it, driving it out from ourselves into the universe to take form. When we compare that to the physiology of having an orgasm, is it really any different at all? I don’t think it is.
The only difference really, is that usually, the orgasm is the goal itself. But when we use it to activate our intentions, the climax is given a much higher purpose. And that’s only when we’re working solo.
Sex magick can absolutely be performed with two people, in fact it is very potent. There was a body of experiments conducted by Brenda Dunne at Princeton’s Engineering Anomalies Research Lab in the late 70s, early 80s that demonstrated that when bonded pairs of men and women, we are talking couples in love, focused together on a common outcome, they were able to affect the outcome of the experiments at a degree that was seven times higher than when they attempted these experiments individually.
Now, these couples were not having sex. They were simply present together in the same place at the same time and literally visualizing the outcomes they wanted, together. So I don’t want anyone to misconstrue the kinds of experiments they were running at Princeton, I just mention that to impress upon you the power of working in concert with someone else, whenever it’s possible, towards a common goal. When we throw sex into the mix, well now we’re cooking with fire.
When we have someone else there with us to take part in our work, to channel that energy that we create during sexual arousal in order to realize our desired outcome. It should go without saying, but I’m gonna say it anyway so I don’t get any emails about it, but it is important that we have consent when we’re working sex magick with someone else. And by consent, I mean we should have our partner’s consent to use the sexual encounter as a catalyst for our manifestations. It’s rude to use someone else’s energies this way without their knowledge and without their endorsement.
And that’s really all there is to it. Sex magick is very personal in the way it’s used and the way it’s performed. There are going to be things some people do that others don’t. Some people use sexual fluids in their work. I do not condemn this practice at all, in fact it works. But it isn’t for everyone, and that’s okay. Everyone has their limits and everyone gets to set them for themselves. But please understand that if you want to try something, you should try it.
If there’s something you absolutely do not want to do, then please respect your own limits and do not try it. The root chakra is associated with stability, financial security, and vitality, but if you’re not interested in back door action then no one gets to try and talk you into it. That’s it and that’s all.
Sex magick can really stretch the limits of your magick. It can impart your work with so much zest, so much spice, and once you’ve given it a few tries, once you’ve opened yourself to the possibilities, I think you’re going to be pleasantly surprised.
So I hope you’ll try something new, I hope you’ll get out of your comfort zone and push your own limits. We are filled with untapped power, and we can direct it to whatever end we like. So have a lovely rest of your day, have a fun, sexy weekend, and we will talk again next week. My name is Eli Ro, and this has been the Middle-Aged Witch Podcast.